I was talking to a friend a year ago, and he told me that I was a strategic lover...Ha ha ha...I honestly don't know what that means, but I believe he meant to say 'calculated' or perhaps that I'm a conscious lover...Some hate it that I'm very aware, analytical, perhaps - sensitive, because I take nothing for granted...and that would be correct, but I don't think it is a bad thing - living a life of complete awareness about who you are, what you do, what your weaknesses are and what you really want. Isn't that what being NAKED is about?
Recently, I have been working on giving my life a better direction. A conscious direction that isn't influenced by prejudice, societal expectations or even family pressure. But a solemn reminder that if at all anything matters...then by all means, EVERY SINGLE THING MATTERS. Good or bad...big or small, wrong or right.
All my life, I’ve watched my parents do the 'big things' like work, business, events, awards etc and when I was younger... I also was encouraged to focus on those big things myself, like school, work, church etc They were the things that mattered. You had to be the best. Be first in class, not lesser than third position. But we weren't taught to be thankful for ending up 10th position in a class of 65 students. So that year in 1992, I had falsified my teachers handwriting and changed my results to 3rd.
It didn't matter that I wasn't last...that I beat 55 other students, I felt I was still a failure because I didn't somehow meet their own standard of success.
Hey, you might say I was being groomed by my parents for EXCELLENCE.
But in our daily pursuit of excellence we now forget to teach gratitude and appreciation for the life and the things we have, in-spite of its imperfection or the lack. Big reason for all the depressed, unhappy and unfulfilled people who hate their lives.
To be honest, I don't think it mattered back then that I had learned more things that school session than I knew before. What mattered was how I ranked against others. And that's how many of us look at life. Our parents even compare themselves to us, and we compare ourselves to our children - but when did life become such a competition? Aren't we all supposed to be running our own race.
As I have grown, I realise that we care so much more about competition and perception... And we look out for the things that highlight them... i.e...the results, the degrees, the certificates, the nominations, the awards, the headlines... And not what lessons, skills, information or relationships the person has acquired, picked up or learned from it all, that might enrich their lives and the lives of others.
We have become so attached to our 'Shiny Object Syndrome' that we focus so much on the big things...the big picture and who is watching our big fat leap . So much so that little efforts no longer matter. And sometimes even I get carried away, by the pressure to conform. Now don't get me wrong, I aspire for more and I celebrate my greatness unapologetically, but what I don't do - is let the end result control me or minimalise the value of each single process.
And if you pay deeper attention to those who only care about berating or judging you for the 'supposed' big things you NEVER achieve or have failed to achieve in your life - In some of them, you’ll see where their PESSIMISM limits them. In many, you’ll see where their OPTIMISM confuses them. In some, you’ll see where their CONCEIT hinders them. In others, you’ll even see where their IGNORANCE blinds them. But you mustn't allow yourself to become drained by their opinions or be misdirected by their judgement.
You can't let the fact that it doesn't matter to them, how hard you work; toil - day and night or that you refuse to sleep around or commit crime for money. Or that your definition of hard work may not necessarily match theirs or require you to place a full page advertorial for the world to see just how committed you are to making progress.
In the end - all they want to know - is why you aren't doing what everyone else is doing to succeed? And many will even ask you - Where is the freaking money? How can you say you are working hard when I haven't seen the money yet. I haven't seen any changes.
Of course to them, It's all about the money, not how you make the money.
It's all about the fame, not how you make the fame.
It's all about the love, not who or where the love is coming from.
It's all about the end result...Not what it takes you to get there.
They won't cheer you on your race to the finish line, but they want to be there at the tail end waiting for your result. Still, if you want a life of direction, you must remind yourself that the process too matters.
Nobody may care that you might have to buy those beautiful clothes on credit. They just want to see you slaying the blogs every week from one fashion event to another. It doesn't matter that your in-expensive dress looks good - it only matters if it is a custom made design from Roberto Cavalli or Ralph Lauren.
We mock a family for struggling to pay school fees but we forget to praise them for managing to give their children three square meals or put a roof over their heads. Doesn't that matter?
We say that pretty lady doesn't have a man to call her own. But we forget to praise her for doing a good job, raising her child on her own. Doesn't that matter?
We scold our employee for not consulting us first on a project, but we never praise them for coming in early and doing hours of overtime with no extra benefits. Or don't you think that matters?
We are constantly complaining our partner doesn't love us, but we forget to praise them for all the time we ignore them or disrespect them. Shouldn't that count for something?
We complain our grown up kids are dependent on us, but we forget to thank God for even giving us children in the first place, When many will do anything to have children from their own loins, they wish they can spoil with love - yet can not. Still, we don't think it matters.
We think of the big things that aren't there and we FORGET the SMALL things that are.
But I realize now it’s the small things that make the difference. That's why I no longer let people drain me with their own narrative of who they think I am...should be or should have been...or even let them discourage me with a long list of all the things I do wrong and not the ones I do right. Or the dreams I'm yet to achieve. And many a times, I find out - its their own dreams and not mine.
I have learned that It’s the things we do before school or after school, before work or after work, before church or after church, before taking on our goals and after achieving them, before sex like the foreplay or even after sex like the cuddle - that makes the real difference.
Like when I'm not the actual host of a new TV show but I'm still proud and honored to lend my voice to segments of the TV broadcast. And I can still celebrate that - Because that too matters.
Those are the things that take you from where you are to where you want to be.
The knowledge that everything matters. That we can't write off any experience.
I learned recently, that we can’t just focus on business all the time and forget our relationships. That we can’t just be in love and not focus on our own personal goals. We can’t focus on business and love and then forget about our health. We can’t just work and not play. We can’t just play and not work.
We can't do nice things for strangers and then forget our FAMILY also needs us. We can't just be HAPPY 24/7 and not expect some sadness on the way. We can't just SOAR, and not expect some challenges or WIN at everything and not expect to fail at some. And nobody should ever expect that of us because life isn't perfect, and neither are we.
But everything matters and everything affects everything. You have to make all of these different aspects of life work together and enjoy the process. Or how will you appreciate LIGHT, if you've never experienced darkness. As they say, success is not a destination but in fact, a journey.
So why not give your life direction based on the map of a never ending journey. Surely you might not be where you want to be yet, but you know that you are not where, you used to be. Alas! And that is all that matters...For as long as you continue to travel, everyday taking baby steps, or making little tiny (sometimes unseen) bits of progress. The world may not notice...But you know - that you are living a conscious life with direction. And that is what truly matters.
LETS TALK: What do You THINK, Truth-Seekers? Feel free to EXPRESS your thoughts in the comment section. Better still, send me a FREE Voice Message Below.
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